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<title>dont get me wrong the plots incomprehensible and the pretenses some of those wizards use to make out are contrived at BEST but just between us ive honestly found myself pretty invested by itsdave</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23057269">dont get me wrong the plots incomprehensible and the pretenses some of those wizards use to make out are contrived at BEST but just between us ive honestly found myself pretty invested</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/pseuds/itsdave'>itsdave</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Meteorstuck, Retcon Timeline</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:53:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,823</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23057269</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/pseuds/itsdave</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The new chapter of Rose's book just dropped.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>256</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
	<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hey man i was wondering where you were</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: get over here</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: whats up what were you gettin up to</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I WAS JUST TALKING TO ROSE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh yeah?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEP!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND LOOK WHAT I GOT!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh shit is that-</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH, IT’S THE NEW CHAPTER OF HER BOOK!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wow its finally out</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEP.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HOT OFF THE PRESSES.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OR YOU KNOW. ROSE’S WEIRD FUCKING ALCHEMIZED PRINTER THING.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: damn ive been lookin forward to this one</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean dont get me wrong the plots incomprehensible and the pretenses some of those wizards use to make out are contrived at BEST</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHAHA!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but dude just between us ive honestly found myself pretty invested</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU DO *NOT* NEED TO EXPLAIN YOURSELF TO ME.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I GOT THIS CHAPTER BEFORE EVERYBODY ELSE?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I’VE BEEN HOUNDING ROSE FOR IT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah but karkat your usual literature taste is...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its questionable dude</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT???</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: come on bro this fuckin book of yours im reading right now</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: the fuckin lair of the jade bloods secret delights</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: this is some rancid garbage</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NO IT’S FUCKING NOT!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: buddy</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its just me here you already got me who are you tryna impress</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL IF IT SUCKS SO MUCH WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU READING IT??</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: for the exact same reason im following roses wizard fic with bated breath dude im fucking desperate its not like theres a big influx of media these days</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HMMPH!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: now just hurry up and read it so i can get my turn before anybody else gets their mitts on it i hate reading after terezi</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH, ROSE SHOULD REALLY PRINT A LAMINATED COPY...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MAYBE I’LL ADD THAT IN MY NOTES.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you write her notes?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH. SURE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I MEAN JUST RECENTLY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: JUST FOR SOMETHING TO DO.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: how fucking recently how did i not know you were doing this</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: JUST ON THE LAST CHAPTER.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and whats in them what exactly do these so called notes contain</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NOTHING JUST A LITTLE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat are you sure she wants constructive criticism</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UM.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: did she ASK for it?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ....</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: holy shit karkat she DIDNT?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH *SHIT.*</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah oh shit is right</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i think you fucked up man</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you fucked up big time</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE, YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no way dude i dont know you weve never met im already in witness protection i live in tulsa with my wife and two kids we got an aboveground pool and a dog named peanut</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHIIIT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha youre so boned dude</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHE NEVER SAID SHE *DIDN'T* WANT IT!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHE JUST SMILED AND THANKED ME POLITELY!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: holy fucking shit dude you thought that was a GOOD sign</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: this is worse than i thought tulsas not far enough</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UGHHH!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahaha</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUUUUUCK!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: cmon its prolly actually fine</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just uh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: lay low for a while you know</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and dont ever ever send rose a single solitary note again like not even if it would save her life bro if shes on fire just put down the pen and back away let her come to that conclusion on her own</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD PLAN.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahaha</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: good now hurry up and read that thing i want my turn</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I COULD READ IT OUT LOUD.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: naw i wanna savor the anticipation</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: build up the suspense</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but you know</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: not too much suspense</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: that means hop to it get reading</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FIIINE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and no spoilers ok keep it to yourself i wanna go in fresh</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: GOT IT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but since youve already read this hot mess of a book i got goin on here i reserve the right to loudly bring up any and all ridiculousness i feel the need to add commentary to</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHA, YEAH THAT’S FAIR.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: good</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WAIT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THE</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ??</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY *GOD!*</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat holy shit what is it</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY *FUCKING* GOD!!!!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude karkat what the fuck is going on are you having a stroke or what please tell me</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT MOTHER *FUCKER!*</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: who</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCKING *ROSE!*</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: why what whatd she do</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: did she kill off zapifras</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: holy shit do i wanna know</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ahh yeah i do you gotta tell me i dont wanna go into that one blind karkat is zapifras ok</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ZAPIFRAS IS *FUCKING* *FINE* DAVE!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ohhhh thank fuck</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: phew</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude i could literally feel my blood pusher in my throat there i dont know when i got so invested in these stupid characters</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH ZAPIFRAS IS FUCKING PEACHY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AT LEAST I ASSUME HE IS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HE’S NOT ACTUALLY IN THIS CHAPTER.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what really</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but he just got to the cloventine ball it was a huge cliffhanger how could she possibly leave us hanging like that holy shit</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH IT’S AT THE BALL ALRIGHT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BUT IT’S FOCUSED ON TWO ALL NEW CHARACTERS</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what seriously this late in the story</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEPPP.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats such weird pacing</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH WELL.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: LISTEN TO THIS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude what the fuck i said i didnt want spoilers</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU’RE GONNA WANNA HEAR THIS, DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: arg</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AHEM</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THE BALLROOM WAS FESTOONED WITH ALL MANNER OF DRAPERY AND CRINOLINE, SUCH THAT THE ONCE-DRAB CORNICES AND COLUMNS WERE NIGH UNRECOGNIZABLE IN THEIR GAIETY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat why are you doing this why are you ruining this for me</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DON’T WORRY THERE’S A WHOLE TWO PAGES DESCRIBING THE BALLROOM BEFORE THIS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: JUST FUCKING LISTEN, OK?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: sigh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: fine</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SUDDENLY THROUGH THE FRENCH DOORS, ON A GUST OF SUMMER BREEZE, IN A CACOPHONOUS ACT OF REFENESTRATION THAT BELIED A DEEP-SEATED INSECURITY, BURST A WIZARD HITHERTO UNSEEN IN THE REALM OF HIGHMIDLAND, THOUGH HE HAD CERTAINLY BEEN HEARD.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HE WAS SHORT OF STATURE AND WITH AN UNTAMED TANGLE OF HAIR THE HUE OF THE UNDERSIDE OF A RAVEN’S WING AT MIDNIGHT. AS HE ALIGHTED ON THE PARQUET THE LINEAMENT OF HIS MOUTH SPLIT INTO A CHASMAL MAW THAT, THOUGH RIDGED WITH NEEDLE-SHARP FANGS, THRUMMED WITH THE PROMISE OF A FAR-GREATER DANGER THAT IT WOULD PRODUCE SPEECH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wait</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND SURE ENOUGH: “I’M KARKAGIAN!!!!” HE SHRIEKED OBSTREPEROUSLY, SEEMINGLY TO NO ONE IN PARTICULAR-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: -THOUGH THE ONSLAUGHT OF SOUND ROARED UP THE WALLS, COLLIDED WITH ITSELF ON THE CEILING, AND THUNDERED BACK DOWN INTO THE ROOM WITH ALL THE TORRENTIAL FORCE OF A CASCADE, CAUSING ALL PRESENT TO CLAP THEIR HANDS OVER THEIR EARS IN ALARM AND DESPAIR.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: holy shit dude</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT GETS BETTER.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh my god how</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: “whats up im dave” ANNOUNCED THE-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahahahahahaha</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THIS IS ALL IN FUCKING LOWERCASE, BY THE WAY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: CAN YOU TELL?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah i kinda can thats a pretty decent impression actually</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THANKS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ANYWAY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ANNOUNCED THE LANKY, ANGULAR, DARK-BESPECTACLED WIZARD ON HIS ARM.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha yess</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: “im too cool for long ass wizard names its like we get it youre magic were all magic cmon everybody lets chill the fuck out with the fanciful affectations we got enough of that goin around already with the beards and shit”</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahaha ok thats pretty good</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean shes right about the names that takes a lotta self awareness thats the mark of a good writer</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: JUST WAIT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh boy ok</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: KARKAGIAN STIRRED AS THE BREATH THAT CARRIED DAVE’S PRONOUNCEMENT QUIVERED THROUGH THE HAIRS AT THE NAPE OF HIS NECK, MUCH LIKE THE WIND RUSTLES THE TASSELED HEADS OF WHEAT ON THE PLAINS OF FRUNDOOR BENEATH THE BEATING WINGS OF THE LAPIS-EYED KESTRELS AS THEY EMBARK ON THEIR YEARLY PILGRIMAGE TO THE AVIAN BREEDING GROUNDS OF OLD.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: KARKAGIAN TURNED FULL TO FACE DAVE, THE EMBERS OF DESIRE THAT FOREVER SEETHED IN HIS CONFLAGRANT LOINS-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wait</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: -BUILDING STEADILY TO A ROARING BLAZE THAT WOULD SURELY CONSUME HIM-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hold on</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: -WERE HE NOT TO TAKE HIS LOVER RIGHT THIS SECOND, THE CLOVENTINE BALL BE DAMNED.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: um</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: “THE CLOVENTINE BALL BE DAMNED,” KARKAGIAN HISSED BREATHILY TO DAVE, IN WHAT PRESUMABLY IN HIS MIND HE CONCEIVED AS A WHISPER, BUT WAS IN ACTUALITY A RANCOROUS DISCORD HEARD BY EVERY LIVING SOUL IN THE IMMENSE ATRIUM, AND MANY OUTSIDE IT AS WELL.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahaha</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HOW SUCH A DISCONNECT BETWEEN SELF-PERCEPTION AND REALITY COULD POSSIBLY EXIST IN ONE LIVING BEING IS A MYSTERY THAT, UNFORTUNATELY, ELUDES EVEN THE MOST OMNISCIENT OF THIRD PERSON NARRATORS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ouch</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SOMEHOW DAVE DID NOT SEEM TO MIND THIS ENORMOUS PERSONAL SHORTCOMING, HOWEVER-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: bahaha</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: -AS HE TIGHTLY GRASPED KARKAGIAN’S HANDS IN BOTH OF HIS AND, IN A DARING ACT OF DE-RE-FENESTRATION, PULLED HIM BACK THROUGH THE DOOR AND OUT ONTO THE VERANDA, WHERE THE GENTLE CELESTIAL LUMINESCENCES OF THE MOON’S BEAMS CAST A STARK JUXTAPOSITION TO THE FIERY PASSION THAT SURGED BETWEEN THE TWO.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: holy shit</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WITHOUT PREAMBLE KARKAGIAN THRUST DAVE AGAINST THE WALL-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: whoa</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: -HIS BACK DIGGING SHARPLY INTO THE TENDERLY TENDED CLEMATIS VINES WINDING THEIR WAY UP A TREMENDOUS TRELLIS. DAVE SCARCELY NOTICED, HOWEVER, INSTEAD FOCUSED FIXEDLY ON THE RAGGED BREATHS THAT ESCAPED KARKAGIAN’S MOUTH-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: um</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: -AS HE RAN, SIMULTANEOUSLY, THE PADS OF HIS FINGERS UP THE TWITCHING YET FIRM MUSCLES OF HIS SWORDSMAN’S BICEPS-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wait</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: -AND HIS TONGUE OVER-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wait wait wait</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: -THE BOW OF HIS LIPS WHICH, AFTER *VERY* LITTLE MINISTRATION, PARTED TREMULOUSLY TO CLEAR THE PATH FOR DEEPER EXPLORATION.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: stop</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: LIKE TWO GREAT ARMIES OF A MORE WARLIKE BYGONE ERA, ON A BATTLEFIELD LONG-SINCE WORN TO DUST AND RE-SOWN WITH LIFE ANEW, TONGUE MET TONGUE IN A BATTLE FOR DOMINANCE, YES, BUT ALSO FOR-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: jesus christ stop</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: -THE ANIMALISTIC THRILL OF THE HUNT, THE DEEP CARNAL URGE-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: fuck</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: -TO CHASE DOWN PLEASURE AND MAKE IT ONE’S OWN-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: -EVEN AS PLEASURE ITSELF IS GIVEN FREELY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat this is the worst</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: please please please stop</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UM</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SORRY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT GOES ON FOR TWENTY MORE PAGES.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh my god what</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: whats in them</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wait</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i dont wanna know</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: fuck no</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IS IT WEIRD IF I KEEP READING IT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yes!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: it is so fucking weird karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH YOU’RE RIGHT...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: holy shit</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: were you getting into that at the end</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh my god you were you totally were</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: fucking...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: this isnt one of your trashy ass romance novels man</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: this is fucking ROSE</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: writing about US</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: this is horrible and uncomfortable and fucking weird</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: it IS</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I GUESS...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what the fuck you were so pissed off a minute ago what happened</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I WAS PISSED OFF BECAUSE SHE STARTED OUT JUST INSULTING ME AND MY VOICE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BUT THEN</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I GOT OVER IT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah you mean you got into it</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: fucking unbelievable</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you know who else is gonna get into this is fucking everybody else when this starts makin its way around the meteor</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...OH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh yeah thats got your attention huh</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH FUCK!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah oh fuck is right you want the mayor reading this shit</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY *GOD* NO!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I WOULD DIE IF THE MAYOR READ THIS, DAVE!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I WOULD ACTUALLY FUCKING DIE!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah me too dont worry im puttin a stop to this right this second</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog"><span class="dave">turntechGodhead [TG]</span> began trolling <span class="rose">tentacleTherapist [TT]</span></span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="dave">TG: rose what the fuck</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Dave!</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: To what do I owe the pleasure?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i think you know</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I notice you’re not asking me about the source of your own pleasure, since it’s pretty obvious that honor belongs to Karkat.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: holy shit rose no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: please make it so i never have to see anything like that in purple text ever again</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Or should we dive deeper into the layers of metatextual fabric and say that <i>I’m</i> the source?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: oh my GOD no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: argg</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Where does this fear of literary analysis come from, Dave?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: dude rose first off youre writing self published wizard slashfic you print out a single copy of in your fucking respite block</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: so lets cool it with the proclamations of fucking metanarration lets simmer the fuck down</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Fiiine.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: second im your fucking BROTHER why in the fuck are you trying to be the author of my pleasure or whatever that is so goddamn weird</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I have my reasons, and I assure you they’re purer than your knee-jerk incestuous panic would make them out it be.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: this is because of karkats fucking notes isnt it</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Maybe.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: god dammit</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: He had so many notes, Dave!</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: About pacing!</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: About dialogue!</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: About worldbuilding!</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: About <i>romance</i> Christ he thinks he is fucking <i>god’s gift</i> to romance!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: haha yeah i know he totally does</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Arrrrgggg!</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: How do you stand it?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Does he critique your fucking dates?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Does he send you transcripts of everything you said and did with big fucking grey all-caps scribbles scrawled everywhere helpfully informing you you should have held his hand thirty-three fucking seconds later and at seventeen degrees stage-counterclockwise because it would have come across as more <i>natural</i>??</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: hey funny you should bring that up thats exactly the kind of thing that if its true should be between him and me not the fucking hot read of the week in a close knit group of bored horny teenagers not to mention the fucking mayor</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: dont you think</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Maybe.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: cmon rose what the fuck</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Uggg.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I <i>was</i> actually planning on fleshing you out into two fully fledged characters.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: uh huh</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I’m serious!</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: You’re going to become integral to the plot!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: oh yeah and how much were we gonna be sucking each others faces in this plot</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Only some.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: jesus rose</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I’m joking!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ARE you</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Anyway, I’m planning on adding everybody!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: whoa what</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Yes! I’m expanding the cast of characters. The Cloventine Ball is going to serve as the ideal introductory device.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: oh my god so what youre just gonna have all our friends fucking boinking each other in robes at a dance in some big incestuous slurry</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Interesting choice of words.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: holy fuck that is NOT a no</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Ugh. <i>No.</i></span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Is <i>that</i> enough of a “no” for you?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ...its better</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: It won’t be a slurry. The plan is to stick to existing real-life pairings so no one gets uncomfortable.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: oh yeah thats working out fanfuckingtastic so far</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: why are you doing this</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: What do you mean?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i mean this chapter was so obviously to get back at karkat and while i do NOT approve of the method he did kinda have it coming</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Thank you!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ok but it sounds like you got big grand plans here involving all our friends whats up with that are you tryna get back at everybody</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: dont tell me fucking gamzees been giving you notes too</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Haha, lord no.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: you know he reads it</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I’ve suspected as much, yes.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: jesus this meteors boring</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: even the fucking murder clowns among us gotta pass the time i guess</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Yes well, honestly...</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I think that’s why I’ve decided to branch out.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: why because youre bored</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Yes!</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I’m so sick of these wizards, Dave.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: haha oh yeah?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Yeah!</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I’ve been writing them since I was eleven!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: damn ok yeah i get that</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: So I’m moving on.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: but in the same book</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Well yes, of course.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: The universe and story structure are still a goldmine.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: You can’t just let go of something like that.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: uh huh</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I’m just shifting the focus.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: to your own friends</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: You know how the old adage goes: write what you know.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Unfortunately at the moment there’s very little else <i>to</i> know.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: you could write about the trollcestors</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Oh they’ll be featured, don’t worry.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: awesome cant wait to read about kankri sucking face</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I appreciate your enthusiasm.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ug</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: look</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i guess if its your creative vision or whatever i dont mind us being characters in your book</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Thank you.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: BUT</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: My, what a big but you have, Dave.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: good fucking god</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: *wink*</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ugh yeah anyway my big enormous plush but is that you are absolutely not writing any more fucking chapters like this one</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Siiighh.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: like if you wanna write about karkat and me scaling the mountain of khoundin to retrieve the amulet of phaea</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: well then ok thats something i could get behind thatd be pretty fucking sweet honestly</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i would LOVE us to be the ones to finally bring that amulet back to its rightful place in the temple of the silent that sounds like a goddamn dream come true</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I’ll make a note.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: also while were at it you gotta keep zapifras dont you dare fucking phase him out him hes our favorite</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: you can keep him he can be the one character who gets carried over into the spinoff he can be frasier</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Doubly noted.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: good</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: the point though is there is no fucking way were gonna stop halfway up that mountain to pause our quest for the amulet and put on another show like the one karkats clenching in his ragey little fists right now</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: you got it lalonde</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Yes, I suppose so.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: fucking good</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I wasn’t <i>really</i> planning on showing that chapter to everyone, you know.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I was only ever going to let Karkat read it to make him uncomfortable.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: is that actually true rose</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Isn’t it better for both of us to assume it is?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: oh my god can you just write a new chapter</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: there is no fucking way this is going in the community library if i see it in there i will burn the whole thing to the ground itll be a huge cultural genocide of two whole species and youll be responsible</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Yes, I can do that.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: great awesome</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I do actually feel badly that you got caught up in this.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: got caught up</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: rose</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: you wrote a fucking detailed description of my arm  muscles</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Yes, and at great cost to me.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ffs</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I’m sorry, okay?</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: How about this-</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I’m in the process of writing another chapter, which features characters based on Kanaya and myself.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I can let you read that.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Maybe it’ll help you feel like we’re “even.”</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ok first off of fucking course you were gonna let me read it everybody on the meteors readin your wizard fic its the hottest new literature we got its basically new harry potter</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Wow. Thank you.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: yeah but second off im pretty fucking sure im not touching that thing with a ten foot pole now</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: why the fuck would i wanna read about my sister and her girlfriend making out</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Oh Dave.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: what</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: The fact that you think that’s what it is is adorable.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: oh my GOD</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Also this isn’t going to be part of the main published story.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: It’s more... supplemental.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: holy shit how can you possibly make that word sound so dirty that word was not meant for that rose that is not a load bearing word</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Oh my Mr. Strider, you’re making me blush!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ugh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: jesus</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: fuck</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: god this is so fucking weird talking to you like this i would literally rather be reading about karkat and me fucking stroking each other fondly in the moonlight again</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Feel free to.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: That’s the only copy, and you can keep it.</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I won’t distribute it.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: THANK you</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: You can start your own supplemental collection.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ahhh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: thats it im gone im fucking decoupling from this conversation</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: did we cover everything</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: lets see</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: 1 fuck you for writing this</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: 2 thank you for not showing it to anybody else</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: 3 no i absolutely do not want to read about you and kanaya sexing it up in matching wizard beards</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: 4 zapifras stays</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: I think that about covers it.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: good</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: bye</span><br/>
<span class="rose">TT: Bye, Dave.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: fuck!</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog"><span class="dave">turntechGodhead [TG]</span> ceased trolling <span class="rose">tentacleTherapist [TT]</span></span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL??</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: sigh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: were good shes gonna write a new chapter for the masses</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH THANK FUCK!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah but dude</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: seriously</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you can never ever cross rose like that again were at her mercy</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I FUCKING WON’T!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: good</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh also were permanent characters now theres a decent chance were gonna find the amulet of phaea</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY GOD, THAT WOULD BE FUCKING *AWESOME!*</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i know right</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and rose owes me i think shes gonna do it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i kinda cant wait</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...DOES THAT MEAN WE GET TO KEEP THIS COPY?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UM</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: fuck karkat did you keep reading that shit</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT’S PRETTY GOOD, DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: seriously</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I JUST REALLY ADMIRE HER WRITING STYLE!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I THINK THIS MIGHT BE HER BEST CHAPTER YET!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MAYBE SHE ACTUALLY *DID* READ MY NOTES.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh my god this is too fucking much</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i cant deal with this</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im out</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH COME ON, DAVE!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: JUST GIVE IT A CHANCE!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: nope</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im goin to the tv block to read my trashy book thats not about me and not written by my fucking sister</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: if you wanna stay here fantasizing about us grinding against a trellis bro be my guest</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU THINK IT’S ABOUT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT’S *ADORABLE.*</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no no no no no</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHAHAHA!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats it im out</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dont follow me</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHAHAHA!</span><br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
	<span class="rose">     <i>After several blissful minutes, during which tongue slid languidly against tongue, occasionally delving deeper to chart the ridges of the roof of a mouth, the narrow crevices between the backs of two teeth, each indentation and protuberance another letter to be traced out reverently in the all-too-gratifying task of deciphering the never-ending tale of their shared passion, Karkagian and Dave pulled apart, breathless. Their faces were scarcely parted, leaving so little room that even the dancing lunar beams that splayed in tandem with Dave’s hands across Karkagian’s back could brook no path between them. And yet they begrudged even this most minuscule of ruptures, raging against the laws of their own biologies that dictated they must draw in new breaths and could not subsist on a shared parcel of air alone, forever traded back and forth between pairs of lungs in a ceaseless exchange, never to be sullied by outside elements that did not yet know their bodies as intimately as they knew each other’s.</i></span><br/>
</p><p>
<span class="rose"><i>“WOULD THAT I COULD LIVE ON YOUR BREATH ALONE, MY DARLING!” Karkagian caterwauled unyieldingly into Dave’s face. In the distance, several hundred birds plummeted from the sky, their inner ears burst by the aural assault and their internal sense of balance and direction therefore disintegrated.</i></span><br/>
</p><p>
<span class="rose"><i>Dave, however, did not so much as flinch, his own eardrums likely having been reduced to rubble long before. The assailment was so deafening, however, that it powered clear through his deafness (in a show of unconstrained irony that sent a thrill up Dave’s already lust-riddled spine) and sang out to him, clear as day, possibly through vibration alone.</i></span><br/>
</p><p>
<span class="rose"><i>“word” Dave replied. “its like fuck air right like whats it even tryna do gettin all up in our business i got hella suspicions this airs just tryna get in on the action cuz its lonely like it tried online dating for a while but nothin ever really clicked now it gets off on poor unsuspecting suckers who are just tryna sex it up in the privacy of their own public moonlit veranda what the hell air this is not an all access event i know you got issues maybe we can talk about it later but now is not the time ok”</i></span><br/>
</p><p>
<span class="rose"><i>Sensing that a long monologue was beginning to settle over him, much as a traveler lost on the Moors of Fraughlin, passing the night in the embrace of the lee side of a mossy boulder, senses the incremental blanketing of falling snow that may, by the time he wakes, have buried him completely and frozen him to an early grave, Karkagian sought to silence Dave by grasping in each hand a portion of his ruffled, powder blue satin blouse and wrenching them apart, scattering to the wind myriad buttons and several errant shreds of lace.</i></span><br/>
</p><p>
<span class="rose"><i>The ploy worked superlatively, Dave’s lengthy harangue decaying forthwith on his tongue as it was consumed by the powerful reverberations of a quivering, primal sound deep in his larynx, one that predated sensical language by millennia but which Karkagian could interpret without flaw. It was not his mother tongue, yet it may as well have been, for how fluently he could delineate it and was able to compel it again and again from the profundities of desire Dave himself could not reach.</i></span><br/>
</p><p>
<span class="rose"><i>Another such sound wrenched its way from behind Dave’s quavering lips as Karkagian pressed his claws, ever so gently, upon the bare tracts of his chest, creating a pale palimpsest of longing on the flushed tableau of-</i></span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog"><span class="dave">turntechGodhead [TG]</span> began trolling <span class="karkat">carcinoGeneticist [CG]</span></span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="dave">TG: dude are you still reading that fucking thing</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ugh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: seriously bro</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i left my headphones in our block i was gonna ask you to bring em but the fact that youre not answering has me all kinds of worried</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: nevermind dude i dont need my headphones i just cut both ears off instead</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: just straight up van goghed it times two</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: because that is preferable to thinking about you fucking getting into that chapter so much you cant even answer me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: this is the skeeviest thing ever</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: we have reached peak skeevitute</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: no higher skeeve can be conceived of much less reached by even the most skilled mountaineers</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: dude i cant believe youre ignoring me right now so you can read about fucking wizard me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i mean</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i didnt mean for that to come out like that but you know what for once i guess that slip is hella in line with actual current events its gonna have to stand</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: that most treacherous of participles has finally had its day in the sun</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: its time is now</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: this is the dawning of the age of the double entendre</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: sigh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: anyway yeah the point i was tryna make is its pretty goddamn weird that youre ignoring your real life boyfriend cuz youre all up to your horns in this creepy ass story about some fantasy beardy version of said boyfriend feelin you up on a trellis</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i feel like theres gotta be a word for this situation</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: like some state that perfectly describes it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: the difference between the way things seem like they should be and the way they actually are</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: does such a perfect word exist</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: im not sure humans ever got advanced enough to come up with a word for that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: is there an alternian word for it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i mean i know alternians really just english because fuck any legitimate effort at sci fi worldbuilding who the hell cares its easier this way anyway</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: but ill admit you guys have got some added nuance you got some weird extra flavor you got a whole jar of janky ass adobo you reach into every now and then ill give you that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: cmon help me out bro the species that came up with fuckin glance nugget has gotta have some more linguistic tricks up its sleeve</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: karkat talk to me please i am appealing to the superiority of your culture its your favorite pastime or i guess now maybe second favorite good fucking god</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: cmon dude reach into the depths of your planets stupid language and help me come up with a word that adequately describes this batshit situation</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: you know the one thats keeping my boyfriend from my presence and my headphones from my ears and forcing me to blast this edm remix of drop it like its hot at a volume that has driven everyone as far from the tv block as humanly and troll-ly possible</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i have to play it so loud because i cut my ears off</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: remember that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: remember when i did that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i have to play it so loud so i can hear it through all the blood</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: IRONY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: oh holy shit</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: he speaks</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: YES, DAVE. I CAN STILL SPEAK.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: ROSE’S WIZARD SMUT HASN’T HASN’T FUCKING RENDERED ME INCAPABLE OF LANGUAGE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: cmon dude thats not what i was implying you know it wasnt</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: AUUGH!!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: have you seriously been reading it this whole time</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: oh my fucking god</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING TELL YOU, DAVE!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: IT’S GOOD!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: yeah</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: “good”</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: OH MY GOD</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: you see those quotations marks karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i dont usually do those im a punctuation lite kinda guy its my brand</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: but i did them just for you</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: and for this skeevy as all hell situation you have put me in</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: feelin like i cant even go back to my own block for my headphones cuz im gonna fucking catch you with wizard me</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: OH MY GOD</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: *CATCH* ME??</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: YOU’RE NOT GONNA FUCKING</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: WAIT</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: DAVE</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: ARE YOU</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: ARE YOU FUCKING *JEALOUS.*</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: what no</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: HOLY SHIT</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: YOU ARE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: YOU’RE JEALOUS OF WIZARD YOU.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: no im not im just incredibly fucking creeped out by him and by the fact that you seem really invested in knowing what hes gettin up to</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: and what hes gettin up to</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i might add</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: is YOU dude</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: OH MY FUCKING GOD.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: IT’S NOT *ME,* DAVE!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: IT’S FUCKING WIZARD ME!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: IT’S THIS WEIRD MOTHERFUCKER “KARKAGIAN!”</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i donno bro i noticed a few similarities i got strong suspicions she based that character at least somewhat on you there are definitely resemblances to real persons living or dead in that story</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: SO YOU *ARE* JEALOUS!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: no dude im not jealous im just</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: ??</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ok just for the sake of argument lets say i am</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: HA!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: is that so incredibly weird like is that totally off the map of realistic reactions when you say youre gonna bounce and your boyfriend says ok thats cool catch you later im just gonna stay here jerkin it to this weird fantasy version of you</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: HOLY FUCKING SHIT!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: NO!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: I WAS NOT FUCKING “JERKIN IT!!!”</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: uh huh</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: I WASN’T!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: THIS IS SO STUPID.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: wow thanks</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: NO</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: I MEAN</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: IT’S A FUN STORY, BUT NOTHING’S EVEN FUCKING HAPPENED YET.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: dude what the fuck the way youre describing this sounds like youre ACTUALLY cheating on me this is a bold fucking language choice karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: FUUUUUCK</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: I FEEL LIKE I’VE ACTUALLY GONE INSANE, DAVE. NOTHING MAKES SENSE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER HERE?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: dude just bring me my headphones</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: WHAT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i told you</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i want my headphones</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: ...OK.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: and if</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: um</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: ??</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: if youre feeling some kind of way i guess id preferably like you to be feeling it when im in the room and not the minute i step out of it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ok?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: WHAT THE FUCK?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: DAVE, *YOU'RE* THE ONE WHO LEFT!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: yeah well</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: maybe i</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: kinda wish i hadnt</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: OH</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: UM</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: DO YOU</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: WANT TO COME BACK?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: ...YOUR HEADPHONES ARE HERE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: haha yeah i know i am actually blasting snoop edm out of my phone right now i wasnt making that up</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: HAHA!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: um</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: yeah i wanna come back</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: OK!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: I MEAN</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: THAT’S GOOD.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: yeah</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: im on my way</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: fuck im sorry</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: for being</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: uh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: really fucking weird</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: NO I</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: I THINK I GET IT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: IT'S NOT EVEN ALL THAT SEXY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: dude what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: THE BOOK, I MEAN!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: haha oh</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: YOU CAN BARELY SEE THROUGH ALL THE ADVERBS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: yeah?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: YEAH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: ALSO WIZARD ME TALKED SO LOUD AT YOU YOU WENT DEAF.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: wait</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: that happened</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: WHAT???</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: no not to me obviously</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: but didnt that happen to a couple of the dancestors</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: fuckin carlos and whoever the hell</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: OH</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: HUH, YEAH I THINK IT DID.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: THAT’S WEIRD.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: naw not really rose said shes just writing what she knows and outside influences are hella limited at the moment</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: HAHA!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: I GUESS SO.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ok im almost back</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: can you do me a solid and maybe not be reading that fucking thing when i get there</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: OH</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: YEAH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: IT’S GONE!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: I PROMISE!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ok cool</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: COOL.</span><br/>
</p><p>
	<span class="pesterlog"><span class="dave">turntechGodhead [TG]</span> ceased trolling <span class="karkat">carcinoGeneticist [CG]</span></span><br/>
</p>
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